When you’ve spent most of your life… and you’re 57 so that’s a pretty long time… thinking that you’re stupid and rubbish and an idiot, it can be hard to change. I do believe I’ve come a long way to getting over low self-esteem but then in times like this, that old nagging voice “you’re an idiot” returns to throw me into chaos.
What is causing this sudden panic attack that I might not have changed after all? The release of my new book. Aha, you may say, really? that all? Unfortunately, yes. I have poured myself into my latest book ‘Grace in Mombasa’ and the fear of rejection is making me ill. I have to wonder why I put myself through it. Writing the story itself was quite fun and even relaxing, but then editing started and demanded sweat and tears from me in an effort to get it to a level that people could enjoy it. Then all the expense comes, professional editing for someone with dyslexia like me is crucial and must be paid for. Then there is advertising and promoting to be done. I’m sure my friends must be sick of hearing about my books.
And now when I am waiting for the first reviews to come in, there is nothing left but feeling sick. Maybe I should give writing up and leave it to the more hardy people out there.
I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed that people will enjoy Grace’s story, and until release date of the 1st Dec ’18 I am just trying to keep myself as busy as a bee and trying my hardest to switch off the anxious button!
Good news, getting an article in the local newspaper about the story – also keeping my fingers crossed to have a feature on Christian Premier Radio.